I find most pastors unless they have pastor friends, or friends outside of their congregation - don’t want to burden their flock. Little do they realize that it makes them more like the rest of us. Being open and honest can be a good thing.
Thanks for posting and sharing. I agree, a certain degree of vulnerability is good from the pulpit and churches can get creative on soul care for staff. I find its helpful for them to have friendships outside of the immediate church as well, even outside of staff friends, in my experience TRUST is the big issue, once they are burned by someone they might not open up again to anyone.
Thanks Frank. My heart goes out to Pastors who feel this way, I hope many see the benefits of having healthy outlets for soul care and well being. I make it a point to seek those in ministry to check on them, I find many our not very trusting for whatever reason, having friendships that keep confidences and show genuine concern is key.
In my experience, it really depends on who I trust. There have been times when I've been hurt by individuals who have ulterior motives, whether that be tearing others down or using me for their own gain. I've found that some senior pastors might not have the capacity to shepherd their staff pastors since they also have the congregation, and their own boards to consider. As a result, it may not always be easy for them to be completely transparent. To promote genuine healing and growth, an impartial third party can be a valuable asset to offer guidance and hold pastors accountable.
Thanks Chris for your input. I may do a follow up to this post and just include a few follow ups. It would be good to see churches and pastors together help to provide outside resources and cultivate friendships that are genuine and mutual edification.
I was with a group of pastors who would get together on Wednesdays for prayer. It was awesome to be part of that fellowship. Sad more pastors don't have access to that.
For congregants we have a few prayers we've recommended, this is a short list:
Pray first they be delivered from the wicked, may they be protected from those who have no faith, may they have patience in persecution. Pray for health, safety, joy, peace.
Pray second their servant-leadership be acceptable to the saints. Ask for wisdom and words be given them to make known the mystery of the Gospel.
Pray also their work be effective in equipping the saints for the work of ministry; that they be strong in the Lord and power of His might; that their faith not fail; that they stay alert, be firm in faith, courageous, and do all in love for Christ.
Most pastors do not feel they can share their burdens or even get close to anyone in their congregations. One reason, they cannot show weakness for fear of being misinterpreted or targeted by slander and innuendo. Second, most pastors will not get close to anyone in their congregation, except family members, to avoid being accused of favoritism. I married a pastor's daughter, so have seen these things first hand. It can be a very lonely life.
First of all, the title “The Day a Pastor asked for Prayer”, is a remarkable title that seems to imply that there is not a day that a pastor is not asking for prayer. Pastors, of all people, should know that their ministry/ life should be fully dependent on God, and they must be fully immersed in prayer. And it is here that we (all) fall down. We are all too familiar with pastors who have been so busy that they do not have a quiet time. They are too busy to pray to our Creator God, who knows our needs intimately. Whereas, when the disciples and the followers went to bed, Jesus went up the mountainside to pray.
The pastor who was being prayed for is in a common situation. When I moved up to Cumbria, England to become a pastor of a church, I asked another pastor of another church, if we could meet up say once every two months. I never did meet up with the pastor, which I very much regret.
Pastors are in a very unique position; we encourage the membership/ attendees to follow Christ and it could be seen as hypocritical that they are not following scripture in a particular area of their life. Jim Garnham wrote a comment on my post “Overcoming the Bonds of Pornography” that, “...if I were to preach a sermon on pornography and admit that I struggle with it myself and then give encouragement on how I am fighting it, I might expect to be asked to resign.” We are putting pastors in tight corners if their livelihood is going to be taken away if they confess their every weakness. Hence going to another church for prayer is very sensible. Opening up to God, with a fellow believer in a safe environment has so many benefits.
I fully agree with the statement, “I won’t share the details out of respect to a person’s privacy” yet the pastor’s privacy appears to be compromised as his story was “shared this with several men at the time who I pray with regularly to pray for this Pastor.” I fully concur that “We should pray for Pastors, Elders, and Ministry Leaders.” As shepherds of the sheep, we must be conscious of the fact that the wolf may turn on the shepherd. As the list shows we don't know the struggles they face.
Every pastor needs to be encouraged and the email address given is a great source of prayer/ encouragement. Below are some ways to encourage a pastor:
Don't be critical.
Pray for them regularly and specifically.
Express appreciation not only verbally, but also in writing.
Use our God-given talents to be a blessing to them.
Squelch the gossip, immediately!
Anticipate, look for, and meet their needs.
Be responsive to their preaching and teaching.
Stop comparing them to others.
On a different matter, as soon as I read, “Sitting down in the classroom just the two of us” immediately reminded of the environment we find ourselves in. I assume the pastor being prayed for is a man, and this may not be an issue. But I NEVER pray with a woman alone. I often pray with women, but I ALWAYS have another woman in the room. This is now just common sense, but common sense sometimes goes out the window in the name of privacy.
Yes, this was a man pastor and agree, best to not pray one on one privately with a woman as a male leader. Include a diverse group or bring in a female leader.
Pastors aren’t immune to stress, anxiety, depression, or loneliness. Being a 3rd generation pastor I’ve been around pastors from day 1. Unfortunately many pastors practice the worst possible habit when difficulties arise: isolation. That’s why relationships with other pastors are so critical. The pastoral care a pastor needs is often found in the relationships they’ve built with other pastors. It’s a place to be vulnerable & honest. Pastors need other pastors.
Thanks Pastor Dennis. Appreciate your comments and perspective. I agree, be good to encourage such relationships in our local churches. I find many Pastors do like to isolate and it’s good to be surrounded by others who are looking out for their souls as well.
I find most pastors unless they have pastor friends, or friends outside of their congregation - don’t want to burden their flock. Little do they realize that it makes them more like the rest of us. Being open and honest can be a good thing.
But I agree they struggle and need prayer.
Thanks for posting and sharing. I agree, a certain degree of vulnerability is good from the pulpit and churches can get creative on soul care for staff. I find its helpful for them to have friendships outside of the immediate church as well, even outside of staff friends, in my experience TRUST is the big issue, once they are burned by someone they might not open up again to anyone.
I've seen that. It's awful being burned by someone you think is a friend.
I’m glad you shared this Paul. I’m afraid many pastors have no one they can confide in about ministry or personal struggles.
Thanks Frank. My heart goes out to Pastors who feel this way, I hope many see the benefits of having healthy outlets for soul care and well being. I make it a point to seek those in ministry to check on them, I find many our not very trusting for whatever reason, having friendships that keep confidences and show genuine concern is key.
Sometimes, it's hard to think of the pastor as a real person with struggles and needs. It's something we all need to be reminded of.
Thanks Kate for the comment’s and good reminder to ask our prayer what can we pray for them about.
In my experience, it really depends on who I trust. There have been times when I've been hurt by individuals who have ulterior motives, whether that be tearing others down or using me for their own gain. I've found that some senior pastors might not have the capacity to shepherd their staff pastors since they also have the congregation, and their own boards to consider. As a result, it may not always be easy for them to be completely transparent. To promote genuine healing and growth, an impartial third party can be a valuable asset to offer guidance and hold pastors accountable.
Thanks Chris for your input. I may do a follow up to this post and just include a few follow ups. It would be good to see churches and pastors together help to provide outside resources and cultivate friendships that are genuine and mutual edification.
I was with a group of pastors who would get together on Wednesdays for prayer. It was awesome to be part of that fellowship. Sad more pastors don't have access to that.
For congregants we have a few prayers we've recommended, this is a short list:
Pray first they be delivered from the wicked, may they be protected from those who have no faith, may they have patience in persecution. Pray for health, safety, joy, peace.
Pray second their servant-leadership be acceptable to the saints. Ask for wisdom and words be given them to make known the mystery of the Gospel.
Pray also their work be effective in equipping the saints for the work of ministry; that they be strong in the Lord and power of His might; that their faith not fail; that they stay alert, be firm in faith, courageous, and do all in love for Christ.
Thank you for your comments and some recommendations. Such an important topic in the church, those engaged in ministry need encouragement to.
Most pastors do not feel they can share their burdens or even get close to anyone in their congregations. One reason, they cannot show weakness for fear of being misinterpreted or targeted by slander and innuendo. Second, most pastors will not get close to anyone in their congregation, except family members, to avoid being accused of favoritism. I married a pastor's daughter, so have seen these things first hand. It can be a very lonely life.
Thanks Cork for your comments and insight. Helps us understand how to love our Pastors better.
First of all, the title “The Day a Pastor asked for Prayer”, is a remarkable title that seems to imply that there is not a day that a pastor is not asking for prayer. Pastors, of all people, should know that their ministry/ life should be fully dependent on God, and they must be fully immersed in prayer. And it is here that we (all) fall down. We are all too familiar with pastors who have been so busy that they do not have a quiet time. They are too busy to pray to our Creator God, who knows our needs intimately. Whereas, when the disciples and the followers went to bed, Jesus went up the mountainside to pray.
The pastor who was being prayed for is in a common situation. When I moved up to Cumbria, England to become a pastor of a church, I asked another pastor of another church, if we could meet up say once every two months. I never did meet up with the pastor, which I very much regret.
Pastors are in a very unique position; we encourage the membership/ attendees to follow Christ and it could be seen as hypocritical that they are not following scripture in a particular area of their life. Jim Garnham wrote a comment on my post “Overcoming the Bonds of Pornography” that, “...if I were to preach a sermon on pornography and admit that I struggle with it myself and then give encouragement on how I am fighting it, I might expect to be asked to resign.” We are putting pastors in tight corners if their livelihood is going to be taken away if they confess their every weakness. Hence going to another church for prayer is very sensible. Opening up to God, with a fellow believer in a safe environment has so many benefits.
I fully agree with the statement, “I won’t share the details out of respect to a person’s privacy” yet the pastor’s privacy appears to be compromised as his story was “shared this with several men at the time who I pray with regularly to pray for this Pastor.” I fully concur that “We should pray for Pastors, Elders, and Ministry Leaders.” As shepherds of the sheep, we must be conscious of the fact that the wolf may turn on the shepherd. As the list shows we don't know the struggles they face.
Every pastor needs to be encouraged and the email address given is a great source of prayer/ encouragement. Below are some ways to encourage a pastor:
Don't be critical.
Pray for them regularly and specifically.
Express appreciation not only verbally, but also in writing.
Use our God-given talents to be a blessing to them.
Squelch the gossip, immediately!
Anticipate, look for, and meet their needs.
Be responsive to their preaching and teaching.
Stop comparing them to others.
On a different matter, as soon as I read, “Sitting down in the classroom just the two of us” immediately reminded of the environment we find ourselves in. I assume the pastor being prayed for is a man, and this may not be an issue. But I NEVER pray with a woman alone. I often pray with women, but I ALWAYS have another woman in the room. This is now just common sense, but common sense sometimes goes out the window in the name of privacy.
Thanks Robert. Some good input and perspective.
Yes, this was a man pastor and agree, best to not pray one on one privately with a woman as a male leader. Include a diverse group or bring in a female leader.
Pastors aren’t immune to stress, anxiety, depression, or loneliness. Being a 3rd generation pastor I’ve been around pastors from day 1. Unfortunately many pastors practice the worst possible habit when difficulties arise: isolation. That’s why relationships with other pastors are so critical. The pastoral care a pastor needs is often found in the relationships they’ve built with other pastors. It’s a place to be vulnerable & honest. Pastors need other pastors.
Thanks Pastor Dennis. Appreciate your comments and perspective. I agree, be good to encourage such relationships in our local churches. I find many Pastors do like to isolate and it’s good to be surrounded by others who are looking out for their souls as well.
Absolutely.